Learning to Live
by volleychick08
Summary: Duo's reflections about the life lessons tought to him by an angel. -DM X HS. angst.


Learning to Live  
By: volleychick08  
  
  
  
Ok, well, this was my first attempt at a Duo/Hilde fic.   
I hope you enjoy it.  
Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
  
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I've always been the joking kind. You know, one of those guys that's always good for a laugh. But even so, not everything for me was fun and games. The others...well, they couldn't see the pain that I had inside. Yes, I hate to admit it, but this mighty god of death kept a lot bottled up, and I suffered from frequent nightmares... I still do, from time to time. The only one that saw through my clown exterior was Hilde. She alone knew of my inner torment. What can I say...she was my savior.  
I can remember waking up from the horrible nightmares that plagued my subconscious mind, with salty tears flooding my vision, but she was always there at my side ready to listen and comfort. I could talk to her about anything. And with her caring guidance I learned how to confront my past and battle my nightmares. She taught me much about how to deal with my emotions...and with the war that ravaged through every continent of the earth.   
A lot of people say that they have a guiding star. Well, my star was Hilde...and I like to think that she shone brighter than all the rest. I loved her with all my heart...but whenever I got close to telling her my true feelings, my emotional barrier went up and I just couldn't say it. She was my life, my soul, my angel...and somehow I couldn't bring myself to tell her how much she meant to me. Was I afraid of rejection? You bet. For so long we had been the best of friends and I wasn't sure if she wanted to be anymore than that...just friends.   
I lived to see her happy, to make her laugh. Some of my fondest memories are of making her eyes sparkle with happy tears of laughter. And back then I could see a happy future in those beautiful blue eyes. But now...well, now I can't see that future anymore. I'm sure that there's still one there for me...but I know that it won't be the one I had hoped for.   
Because you see, not too long ago, I learned of a devastating truth. Hilde, my Hilde, was ill. Doctor visits and medication brought hope, but whenever I looked into those eyes of hers, I could tell that she knew. She knew all along...she was leaving me. I didn't want to believe it, but of course I didn't. I can remember countless times when she had tried to tell me...but I would just tell her to stop being foolish and to concentrate on getting better.   
And so the months passed, and she got worse. The illness ravaged through her defenseless body, and no medicines could stop it. But even though she became thin and frail and had to move into a hospital room, her eyes never lost their beauty. I can remember visiting her every day and the first thing I saw were her bright eyes looking back at me.   
Then one day I came to visit her like usual, although I hated it to be a normal thing for me to have to visit her in a hospital. As soon as I entered the stale room, she motioned me over to her bedside. Her face was not as bright and young as it was in my memories of happier times. And her skin was deathly pale, as white as the sheets that surrounded her illness-stricken body...it hurt me so much to see her that way. I knew she was nearing her end, and I was powerless to stop it.  
I sat in the chair next to her bed and she leaned close to me. I felt her weakened breath tickling my ear as she whispered quietly, "Duo, I'm dying. We both know that, and I don't want you to forget me. But when I'm gone, I want you to move on with your life. There are so many possibilities out there...and trust me, they are better than just sitting around in a hospital room. Please, Duo, I want you to go on...please, just promise me."   
As the initial shock of her words wore off, I promised her that I would never, could never, forget her. I wasn't sure how I'd be able to live without her smiling face, but for her sake, I made a promise that I would go on with my life. Then she sighed, like a great weight had just been lifted from her heart. And that was the day, the moment, when I just knew I couldn't hold my feelings inside any longer.   
I was bursting at the seams; my heart was screaming with love for her. And so I told her, right then and there. I watched nervously while her face changed from disbelief to happiness as I revealed my deep love for her. I caressed her face with my trembling hand and kissed her. I had waited so long for that kiss, and it all seemed like a dream.   
Then the harsh realization of her mortality brought me back to earth, and I suddenly felt ashamed for not telling her I loved her before the illness had robbed her of a happy future. But there was a new light in her eyes that I hadn't seen before, and I knew that she loved me too. Just knowing that was enough to ease my troubled heart, and I regretted nothing.  
That moment is forever etched into my memory as the happiest one of my life. I will always have it to treasure...safe in my heart. But all too soon it was time for my world to come crashing down around me. After that day, her health began to deteriorate so rapidly that I took up residence next to her bedside, preparing for the inevitable. The doctors knew that nothing more could be done, but they didn't have to tell me. I already knew. However, no forewarning could have prepared me for losing my angel.   
Time passed quickly, and it was not long before I found myself at her side, pleading with her not to go, telling her that everything would be all right. She just looked up at me with those breathtaking blue eyes and told me that even though she was going on, she would wait for me...forever if she had to. The power of her quiet words struck me like a freight train. I told her that I knew I would see her again. I would earn my own ticket to heaven, and then we would be together, safe for all eternity. She reached up with her frail hand and cradled my face, which was raining with the rivers of my tears.   
I looked at her helplessly, and our eyes locked in an eternal gaze...and that one look said everything that we didn't have the words for, or just didn't have the time to say. It would have taken me a lifetime to tell her how much she meant to me, and how much I would miss her. But that one look was enough. With that final connection, I felt her soul touching mine, one last time. And through her sparkling eyes I saw a window to heaven.  
As her last breaths came and went, I felt the life quickly fading from her pale body. The last seconds of her short life ticked by like an eternity, and I was grateful for those final, precious moments with her. I held her hand tight in mine and our eyes didn't release their gaze until hers closed for the last time. A happy little sigh escaped through her young lips and a small smile crossed her face. And then I knew she was gone. She looked so peaceful, like an angel finally at rest. I leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her forehead, wishing her a safe journey.  
  
I will always remember her, for no one can ever forget an angel. She was my true love; she brought me through the war, and through my darkest nights. And of all the things I take with me through my life, I will always remember what she taught me in her short time on earth. It was because of her that I learned what's really important; because of her, I learned how to live. And live I shall, for I have not forgotten that promise I made to her. And in my heart I know that I'll see her again...because even if death gods might not always go to heaven, as far as I know, angels always do.  
  
  
  
End-   
  
Well, I hope you liked it! Please review! Thanx, volleychick.  
  



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